Trying to be level headed again

It has been more than a month since the break up. I think it is safe to say that I am fairly alright now. I have stopped calling up friends and talking about it. I would like to think that they are happy because I am finding my way out and they no longer need to sit there listening to me, not knowing what to say. I never expected them to say anything about it, just wanted them to listen. And that's what all of them did. They offered support unconditionally. Some of them told me that this relationship might not have been a good idea after all.. I don't know if it is right, but I am grateful to all of them anyway. It would have been much more difficult if I had nobody to talk to.. and in this case, talking to family was not an option because of some particular reasons...

Especially one of my childhood friends, who is probably the best friend I have, made sure that I never felt lonely or left out after it happened. She made it a point to call me almost every day. She is the one who offered the best advice which helped me a lot.. and also asked me to be strong and sort myself out because in the end it was upto me to get out of it... She kept telling me that I am the most level headed guy she knows and she prefers me that way. She said she could not believe it that I am going to pieces because of a girl.. She thought I had better self control.. but these things happen.. I could not help it.. I cannot thank her enough for everything she did for me. I am sure that she asked my brother to look after me before he left home and came here.. She was there for me 24x7 when I needed her most.. I called her whenever I felt depressed and she always answered my calls, even though some of them were made at really odd times. Thanks for everything...

I am just about getting on the path to return to normality, and now within a month I am going to see my ex again. She says she's looking forward to seeing me. I know she means it.. but I am not getting restless over it. I am taking it as it comes, keeping my head steady, preparing myself to meet her as a friend. I know it is going to be awkward but I'm sure I will manage that. When she asked me if I wanted to see her, I could not say no.. It is going to be kind of painful and not seeing her again might seem a better idea to some, but I cannot say no to her. That is one weakness I am yet to overcome.

Apart from all this emotional instability, my job hunt goes on as usual. Nothing new on that front, just going ahead with my weekly applications. This recession has really slowed the things down. Last year recruitment consultants were calling me with job offers when I didn't want a move.. and now I am calling them asking for a move and they can't help me. I'm just hoping to get out out of this city soon. I want to see new places and enjoy life before I get too old...

That's all for now, that's all I can think about at the moment. I will post again when another impulse makes me do it.

EDIT:
Just yesterday I posted here saying that I am getting alright and today she talks to me, a few things are said, it gets awkward, both of us get stressed and the day turns gloomy... Just when I was having a few good days and thinking positively, something like this happens and I lose motivation to get out of it... Sigh.. I feel like screaming and breaking something.....

I terribly miss my dog back home.... suddenly feel like going back...