Why do I talk to her?

Last night she sent me a txt saying that she misses talking to me. It used to happen that I expected her txt in the night to wake me up and after that we used to chat for a long time. But last night I was not expecting any thing of that kind so I didn't notice it. I saw it in the morning when my alarm went off. I read it again and again for a number of times... wondering what my reply should be...

I have always been very sensitive about her.. Even before we got together, though it lasted for a very short time, I have always tried to say things which would make her feel better.. and I have meant every single one of them.. After we expressed our interest in each other, the conversations got closer to heart.. I missed her terribly when she was not here.. I used to tell her that all the time.. In reply to that, sometimes she said that she misses me too and sometimes she just said 'i know..' But whenever she said that she misses me, I always made a point to tell her that I have the same feeling for her. I never let it pass just like that... until today...

I replied to her txt saying that we need to give ourselves some time to get back to normal.. being friends again... That's all I said.. Because I really didn't miss her that bad today.. in the morning.. So when I sent her that txt, it didn't hurt...

While I was at work, she came online and we talked for a while. But that was random stuff. After I came home, she was online and she started the conversation. I am making a point not to start it from my side and till now it's holding good. So today she started it, this and that.. asked me what I was doing.. she is feeling depressed and everything... And I was supposed to listen to her and offer some kind words as a good friend would do... I did exactly that... But doesn't she realise that I'm not 'just' a friend? We were more than that... and it's not easy to snap out of it and go back to being friends again....

She keeps telling me about how important I am in her life.. she feels so comfortable while talking to me about everything.. but it is frustrating for me.. I still have feelings towards her... I'm trying to move on.. I do not call her, txt her.. I never initiate contact.. but she does.. and I cannot reject her when she wants to talk to me...

She's coming here sometime soon and she told me today that meeting me is the priority... I laughed and was tempted to say 'whatever'.. but I still cannot hurt her by saying such things... I just said yeah, we'll see.. And after a long time, I said that I still miss her... She said she does too... I know I'm hurting myself by doing it..

Why do I talk to her?...